A New Direction
The nice thing about having a blog that nobody reads is that you can say whatever the hell you want. Or so I thought. Until I wanted to go work for the Obama administration. See, I thought, I still think, that I would be a spectacular Secretary of Commerce. Good salary, hot-ass secretary, all the steak sandwichs that a person can eat and the drunken, licentious parties the Sec O’Com is known for-I’m thinking of you, Roy Dikeman Chapin! Sounds great-that is so the life for me. After all, I could use the change of direction in my life. The Secscom-that is what I will call it when I am in-fulfills that change perfectly. So I went looking to apply. And I found this…
And I think this blog, this worthless trashy blog of inanity, disqualifies me! WTF? Seriously? OOO, so I made a few wisecracks about people, so I revelled in my misanthropy, so what? The bastards. So I pointed out the inherent douchebaggery of the general populace; I’ve yet to be proven wrong, you know! And so what if I implicated an obscure and maybe harmless Roy Dikeman Chapin as a sex hungry megalomaniac. I’m sure he would appreciate just being mentioned. But, alas, such escapades will keep me from my well deserved dream job as the secsycom, so I must, with heavy heart, shift this blog in a new direction, damnit all to shit! One that promotes HOPE and CHANGE and PEACE and EASY LOW-CAL CHICKEN RECIPES! So, here goes, my first word of advice, offered in a spirit of altruism and love, motivated by nothing more than an honest desire to do good and land me an ass-good job in the Obama administration:
If ugly people wouldn’t make eye contact, then fewer people would realize that they’re ugly.
Your Welcome.
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